Weekend.

While some people spend their weekends looking for furniture, travelling through their country for concerts, spend a couple hours away from home at a friend's place, go to the movies, spend money online or just relax in front of TV, I have been carrying a mobile phone that rings only when the hospital got an emergency and need me to have the blood work done asap. That means I'm half here and half there the whole time. Having to drive to work on Saturday night or Sunday morning isn't the most pleasant thing ever. And the fact that when you leave the house you never know when you can be able to come back keeps a certain tension up.

And that keeps everything that could've been a life at a distance. Strangely enough, I've been distancing myself from a lot of things lately. People, activities, feelings, interests, about everything. I'm just sitting in the backseat, watching what's gonna happen next. I don't want to get involved in things, simple or complicated, it doesn't matter. I'm doing what I'm asked, I'm there if anyone needs me but I won't do more. No extra work, no extra worry, no extra word. I'm not depressed whatsoever, I guess I'm just taking a pause, I don't want to run after time, it's too far ahead these last weeks. Catching up will happen later, eventually.

"silence won't save us
words will not rescue us
but remembrance is the secret of redemption
but it's so damn quiet here
it's so damn quiet here..."

[Clara Luzia - Quiet]