Longing.

"You seem happy. You're in love?"

When a co-worker asked me that last week, I looked at her for a split second and replied with a neutral "no". I could've told her I'm neither happy nor in love but she sure would have commented on how I play Calimero all the time. I don't complain full-time, I hardly even complain, to be honest. Except on my blogs, but that's what they are for.

So no, I'm not in love. But that line actually made me look on the feelings side of my existence. I noticed something that actually made me kind of sad. There always used to be someone of interest, someone to run after, long for, make plans about even though unreachable but there was this little light evolving around. But lately, even that is gone. It's like I've gone empty. No daydream, no wondering, no small talk to evaluate the chances, no nothing. Because no matter how often this only leads to nothing particularly exciting, it's fun.

At the same time, I'm not particularly looking for anyone or anything at all. Because you find things when you're not searching, right? Right. As if.

I only end up longing for the ghost of a memory...

"If there's nothing else to stop us on our way
Tell me why, pourquoi ne pouvons-nous jamais être aimés?"

[Slut - Why, Pourquoi?]

[picture: screencap from the Tegan and Sara video for Walking With A Ghost]