Lonely in a group..

"I tried hard to stick with my lost and only friend
Don't give me the silent treatment again
If somebody wants me...Here I am
If somebody needs me...Here I am
If you can't find me...Here I am
Don't you deny me...Here I am..."

[Venus in Flames - Silent Treatment]

I never did well around many people. You know those times when you're surrounded by faces, people chatting with each other about anything and you just don't know what to say or do for them to notice you're actually there and trying to actually be there, if you know what I mean. I often end up feeling like I don't belong there. Like I'm not interesting enough for those people to care or at least fake they're listening.

There are worse situations, though. The one I hate the most being when I do handle a one on one conversation pretty well with someone and then somebody pops in and grabs all the attention and I'm left out in no time. It makes me feel worthless and miserable.

I guess it's just a matter of self-esteem, but the repeating situations just corroborate my root feeling about things. So I guess it's not going to get any better soon.

People have preferences among their friends, that's for sure. And I seem to never win on that matter.

[photo ©Tomek Wysopal 2005 "loneliness"]